Hey, Jacob Black
by Tris'sLightningQuill
Summary: Leah leaves a letter for Jacob. I quite liked the place they'd gotten to right around the time of Nessie's birth, and was disappointed to see that bitten off. They're good for each other. M for saftey: mild language, maybe a few suggestive themes.


Hey, Jake. Jacob Black. Alpha extraordinaire. Don't laugh: it's true. I stand by that.

I know this is gonna sound weird, and stupid, and pathetic. I know I'm gonna look like a total idiot. I just need to say it, so bear with me, okay? Even if I can't come out and say it to your face. I need you to know, too.

You don't need me anymore. And I'm happy for you; I really am. Please, just ignore the bitchy green monster I can't get rid of. It's cool. I'm figuring it out. I'm taking karate classes. A little more intense than I had originally planned, maybe, but what the hell. It helps; it gives me focus and drive where I didn't have any before. And things change. Shit happens. I understand. I just didn't think I'd stand here _twice_, you know? Window shopping sucks ass. But a good Second rolls with the punches, I guess. I'm trying, Jake. I'm trying.

Crap. I didn't want to do this just to whine at you. That's not what this is. But I feel like the only little girl who didn't make the cheerleading squad, you know? Crap. I'll just shut up now........

Jacob. Don't take this the wrong way, but...I was ready. I was okay. And you gave me that. In our little three-legged pack, I was doing better than I'd been in a while. In a long while. Back then, the world made sense. Okay, shit, no it didn't. But I** got **that. I felt all right with it. This makes me sound like some really messed up nut job, but I'd forgotten what that felt like. I **liked **Beta Leah. She made sense. She had purpose and a point, a niche. She didn't hurt so bad.

Thanks for everything. I know that sounds lame. I wish I could just phase and show you exactly what I mean. They're not just words to me anymore. Thank you, Jacob. So much.

Now I'm getting really lame here. Sorry. Mushy girl stuff. Ick. And now I'm just rambling aimlessly. Great. Maybe it would have been smarter to write this in pencil. Shit.

Anyway....Canada's nice, right? Maybe I'll go check it out. See some Northern Lights. Maybe get some sunshine once in a while. Get the hell out of here. You guys'll be fine. What I'm trying to say is, I guess my point is, I won't be far. And I won't ever be. Just a howl away, that's all it takes.

A little while ago, Jake, you gave me something I won't ever, ever forget. The least I can do is the same for you.

I know I'm obsolete. I'm not even less annoying than Paul. But I remember the Pack. Hell, I liked belonging somewhere, is that so sick? But that's not what I'm after. I'm not asking for anything. I don't want to take _**anything**_ from you; I don't want you to even **think** about feeling guilty for where my stupid head is at. My head's fine, Jake, really. Like I said, karate... I'm just saying that I'm here.

So. Life's great. You're freaking loaded, couldn't be happier. And that's all fine and dandy, Jacob, but what if that isn't always the case? I know you won't say it, but somebody has to. What if it doesn't work out? I bet that hasn't even crossed your mind, in your stated of Imprinted bliss or whatever. But what if, someday, she isn't enough? It's different for Quil. Someday, Claire will be _exactly_ everything he needs. But seven years old _forever_. Sorry, dude, but that's rough. And, I mean, what if someday **you** aren't enough? What if _you're_ not what _she_ needs? What then? Dammit Jake, I'm trying real hard to be nice, I'm really trying. It's not easy, not talking shit. So I'm sorry if I come across like I've got a pole up my ass; you're just gonna have to deal. And know that I don't mean it. Alright, I mean it; I just don't mean it to hurt you. You won't even consider the possibility that this story-book scenario may not last forever, but somebody needs to be practical around here. That's what Betas are for. I'll **always** be your Beta, Jake, even when I'm Sam's pain-in-the-ass, nobody Lee-Lee. Even when I've gone wolf and I really am nobody. Yep, even then.

I'm not asking for anything. I'm just letting you know, hey, you do have options. Come what may. You'll always have somewhere to run to. Always.

I think that there'll always be _us_. Sick, twisted, weird, screwed-up us. At least, I want there to be. I mean—I don't know what I mean. Only that I'll never laugh at you, and I won't ask why. I'll just be there. You were.

I know you're happy now, you smug bastard, just as happy as you deserve to be. And it's cool, man. I'm not begging, "Hey, **remember** me!" I'm just saying. As long as there's even the slightest possibility that you might need me, as long as there's the off-chance you might want me around, I'll be here. If you need a friend, I'll be here. If you just need somebody to talk to, or a place to rest your head with no one to eavesdrop, I'll stay around. As long as you might need me, to talk, to touch, I'll be here. Just a howl away. As long as you need me, Jake. I've got forever.

Leah


End file.
